The Amazing Mr Jones
by Nico rico
Summary: A less than serious short story about an original super hero. Like the old batman tv show maybe.


The Amazing Mr. Jones

Another long day of training, as evident by sweat drenched gym clothes hanging limply on my frame, had finally come to an end. Superhero training usually consisted of a brief warm up, trips through the obstacle course, hand to hand combat training, stunt car driving, and some good old fashion text book studying. I also drilled various phrases and comebacks that were used to critically offset many villainous foes. A well placed snappy comeback would shatter their sense of confidence, allowing me to gain the upper hand with some kind of daring display during a desperate moment. "That's what you think" was the retort I worked on today. I still needed practice on that one, it just wasn't ready yet. As if to interrupt a wandering train of thought my stomach growled. Fumbling with the keys to get inside the mansion I realized it was now past dinner time and cold as it was outside superhero and villain alike still waited for winter's first snow. We were weeks into winter yet, and not a single unique flake had fallen. I turned the key chain over and over, scooping various keys with an unnecessary jingling with each movement. I just couldn't find my door key. So I did what any superhero would do once locked outside their own mansion. I threw a small fit and then tried climbing in through a window.

As I dangled on the window frame opening a massive window left unlocked for occasions such as this the smells of the kitchen caught me. My stomach growled loud enough to nearly echo. Shivering from the cold I slipped inside the house through the window space. A minute in the cold out there meant 30 minutes trying to get warm again. Smells of the kitchen really taunted me now; scents of roast beef and select sauces dancing around and daunting my hunger. I was in need of a shower before I could sit down to eat though I considered eating first. _Just a bit longer, I can make it_. You know you need a shower when you can smell your own sweaty self. A growling gut made sure I knew to make it a quick shower.

Footprints echoed off marble tiling as I walked through the lobby to my study. The antique door handle turned as it had a thousand times before but with the strength that it could turn a thousand more as an aged oak door opened firmly on its hinges. The room, my study, was a combination of many things but at first glance just a comfortably carpeted office space complete with a wooden desk, paintings, drawers, and a shower room among other things. I flipped the a switch and soft lights illuminated the rest of the room. No sooner had I walked across to my desk to check messages than a speaker box mounted onto the desk began to chime. I clicked on a soft green lamp on that desk with a bit of fatigue. The chiming speaker box meant I wouldn't get that meal just yet.

"Good Afternoon Mr. Jones," came a familiar robotic voice through the speaker. "The commissioner has requested your assistance with a bank robbery that occurred today. There are several hostages still locked inside the vault. Large bags of money were seen exiting the bank through a white van…"

I plopped in my chair still not wanting to lift my head and listened as the speaker brought out a few of the details on the bank job. Details such as the time it occurred, how many suspects, and what they were wearing. All suspects were seen wearing shorts and bright tie-dyed tank tops with black socks pulled all the way to the knees. _I'm surprised the fashion police didn't pick them up_.

Just as the speaker box concluded with it's usual "Mr. Jones the community and people of Metropoli need your amazing skills once again", the phone rang. I let it ring once, certain of who was on the other end of the call. I answered in no general sense of haste. The gruff voice of the commissioner jumped through the phone in a desperate plea. I could always picture him sitting at his desk at the other end, sweat beading across his massive forehead shaking a free hand in the air as he spoke. "Jonsie! Thank heavens you are there! We need you on this one Jonsie, it's too much for us! The robbers locked all of the employees and customers in the main vault, and no one can get it open." I began to scribble away on paper to his rambling. "We've got to catch these guys and teach the criminal community a lesson," I let him ramble on, listening in periodically with a supportive "uh-huh, yeah," and then fading back to my paper and pen. I began to doodle what the scene looked like in my head, drawing those atrocious outfits and big moneybags. I doodled 5 of them, even though the speaker report had told me 4. In my experience, criminals didn't like the number 4.

"Mr. Jones" Felicia's soft voice announced her entrance, her slender red dress tracing her body frame, curve by curve. Felicia's wavy hair would catch the subtlest of breezes, even indoors.

"Yes Felicia,"

"Mr. Jones I've readied your car, and your equipment is gathered for this evening"

"Oh? And what is the occasion for the evening?" I mused.

"Mr. Jones, I assumed you were going to rescue the hostages and track down the bank robbers. I can unready the car if I've made a mistake." she said with the sly smirk.

"Do you think this situation requires my attention? A locksmith should work just as well as a superhero." I already knew her answer.

The telephone rang again. I looked at the phone eagerly this time since the commissioner never called twice. "Hi daddy!" my daughter's voice brought an ear to ear grin. "Hey Penny," she was twelve and still daddy's girl. The small voice in my head hoped she stayed daddy's girl, another voice reassured me that her soon to arrive teen years would go smoothly. That voice is called the voice of denial I think.

"I may not be home on time tonight honey," I winced regrettably.

"But daaad," she tugged, "you have to be here to take me to my recital!" She was the only kid who could stretch the word dad into 3 syllables.

I winced, I had forgotten! I tried figuring out how I could shower, dress, eat (another grumble in the stomach at the mere thought), investigate the bank robbery and pick Penny up on time to get her to the recital. Was nothing easy? It was dilemmas like this that made hiding my identity from my family more difficult than from the public. The commissioner's words were in the back of my mind. Hostages, the commissioner's re-election… I had to get to the bank to save them. I would make it all work. If I could take down super villains then I could certainly do all this. What I wouldn't give for a quick hamburger.

"I'll be there kiddo, might be a minute late."

"Ok, mom says you are busted if one of your mysterious emergencies come up again."

"I'll be there, I can't wait to see the recital!" I promised. I hung up the phone after our good bye's. Her mom could be difficult at times, even more-so after the separate living arrangements. Maybe superhero training should involve time management. I looked up at Felicia, who was holding a sack lunch for me. Ohh, she's good.

"Sir, if you would like I can work this one myself…" Felicia offered generously.

"I can do it. My tonic, please…" I was eyeing that sack lunch with a salivating mouth wondering what it held. Whatever it was would make a welcome snack on the drive to the bank. Felicia walked over to the book shelf and pulled out a book no different from any other in appearance. Inside the book contained a compartment holding various glass vials. It was the chemical compound inside the glass vials that truly made Mr. Jones 'Amazing'. Just a gifted person without the elixir, once imbibed I would be overwhelmed with superhuman reflexes, strength, and speed. A secret only Felicia, myself, and the original designer knew about. A secret I needed to keep if I wanted to keep doing superhero work.

Felicia brought the tonic over and poured it into a tumbler that sat on my desk. Raising my glass in brief toast I drank it quickly shuddering. Already I began to feel it's effect as sensations spread throughout me. A tingling rush swelled over my entire body. I could hear Felicia's heart beating across the room and almost taste the fibers on my chair. I set the glass down so hard it shattered on the desk, forgetting that the effects of the speed could be a bit unpredictable and hard to control. Time to complete the transformation into the Amazing Mr. Jones. Felicia adjusted a painting of dear old Grandfather on the wall behind the desk which triggered a sound and made the wall turn exposing a fireman's pole that descended down. I made a conscious effort to move without lightning speed as I slid down the pole.

The costume dressing machines had already removed my clothes and dressed me in my Amazing Mr. Jones suit. Installing the dressing machine was a great tip from another superhero. I used to have a terrible time dressing, getting to the car, and I usually forgot a necessary belt or other part of my costume. Practically essential in my line of work.

My crime fighting suit looked just like any other stylish high-end pin striped suit, except using highly reinforced materials capable of resisting bullets and blades. It was also frictionless making it able to move without any sound. Flame resistant and buoyant, it was cool in the summer and warm in the winter. The polished black leather shoes were a personal favorite. I could walk on lava or spikes, and it had an aero interior design that kept moisture down to prevent blisters. The left shoe was also able to protrude a small blade from the tip and an antennae out of the heel for transmitting and receiving communications. The right shoe could be used as a grappling hook. The hat was just a hat, but made of the same reinforced materials as the suit. And of course, my mask. Snugly wrapped around my eyes to conceal my identity at all times the mask was a necessary piece of the outfit. If my identity were ever compromised it would place my friends and colleagues at grave danger.

At the bottom of the escape pole my car waited. The car was a rush without any kind of elixir, a sleek and shiny jet-black beast highly modified for various crime fighting duties. I hopped in and fired the engine, it roared through the back seat. An entry way appeared from the wall revealing a hidden tunnel leading to the street. Not about to waste time I ripped away like a demon of the road.

I sped along the highway, checking the time on my wrist repetitively. I had 25 minutes to pick up Penny. Get in, get them out, and go. A sudden growling of my still hungry stomach made me frantically look for the sack lunch as I realized I had left without it. I called Felicia over the radio embedded in the steering wheel.

"Felicia, dear, have my shoes been refitted with the galvanized wiring to jam enemy radio frequencies?"

"Yes of course. We had them fitted 3 weeks ago sir after the technology was invented."

"That's good news. You wouldn't be able to bring that sack lunch by the bank would you?"

"I left a sandwich in your glove box under the assumption that you would leave too fast." _She's very good!_ "Sir, are you sure that I shouldn't pick up young Penny for you? You could meet us at the recital."

"I can make it." I said as practically tore the glove box open. A turkey sandwich, layered with cranberry and havarti cheese, lay there just waiting to be devoured. And such a delightful devourment it was!

Wiping bread crumbs off my face I saw the dashboard indicator blinking red. _I'm close. _I looked ahead to city lights glowing from tall buildings before diving into the belly of sky scrapers and hotdog stands. The night sky had switched to dark and another day of business was ending for most. The missing hustle and bustle let the engine purr throughout the streets. The 1st Metropolitan Bank Institute came into view as I turned past an eyeglass repair shop. The bank was impossible to miss with gleaming white columns at the top of concrete steps leading to a building that may have been torn from the pages of 'Roman Architectural Digest Weekly'. It was an ominous force of lending money, savings accounts, and interest rates.

There were plenty of parking spaces but I drove right up the curb and up the steps leading to the bank. Another effect of my superpower was more aggression; kicking in unlocked doors, driving up steps, peeing on fire hydrants, etc. Hydraulics on the car made the drive possible, barely a bump as the shocks absorbed each step with ease. I got out of the car leaving it running, taking in the scene as the robbers might have. Oddly, there were white partial shoeprints painted on the cement coming out. One of the robbers must have stepped into something.

Suddenly vision blurred and I stumbled as a wave of sensation passed through me. While drugged the elixir gave me super powers while balancing the sensation. I didn't feel balanced though, almost drunken but in more control. Had I changed the mixture? Was it kept at an improper temp? I didn't know. I tried to think, but memory... What was I doing? A bank robbery, yes…. That's right. I'm sure it will come back. A policeman approached.

"Thank goodness Mr. Jones you are here!" he burst in relief. "The robbers left all the hostages in there" his outstretched blue garbed arm pointed towards a massive steel vault. With a puffed up chest I walked across the lobby to the vault and stood before the massive door. The thickness of the steel rendered it sound proof but with my heightened senses I could hear murmurs behind the door. I pressed my ear to the giant circular plate. The voices behind the door were panicked. Not surprisingly, since they were all hostages trapped in a vault. I could also hear a rhythmic tapping like old Morse code. It was difficult to decipher with all the other noise.

The Morse code from the door read this message: "To whom it may concern, please be advised that there are 25 people trapped in this room with a time set to explode in approximately 3 minutes". I wasn't surprised by the calmness of the message, people who are able to send messages in that code have to be trained to do so under stressful circumstances.

"Guard" I yelled, a hint more desperation in my own voice than I had hoped. The whole situation began to feel like a thread pulling apart a carpet. Another concern grew louder now. I still had 12 minutes until I had to pick up Penny.

"It's _officer_, Mr. Amazing. How can I help?"

"We need to get those people out of there immediately! Who here can open the vault?"

"Ah, well the employees are locked up and the bank owner is on his way into town. We woke him up out of bed and everything, none too happy about having to drive all the way into town. None too happy about the bank being robbed neither I figure. Why the rush?"

"There isn't enough time…." Adrenaline pulsed as I started forming a plan. My mind raced. I thought about the old wall smash maneuver though the vault looked secure, as it should, no thin walls to punch through. I wasn't coming up with a better plan though, so with two hands I grabbed the steel door. I pulled with all my might, enhanced by the elixir, and the door made only the slightest bend. Next plan.

There were 2 massive steel bearings working as joints holding the door in place. One appeared to be bent a hair, by me perhaps? It might be just enough space to slip one of my little explosive cufflinks into….

"Stand back everyone, I know what I'm doing," I advised while undoing the cufflink on my sleeve. I attached it to the door hinge and hunched down ready for it to blow. With a loud echoing pop and lots of smoke the door fell off the hinges right on cue. Smoke clouded the entryway as people began scrambling out. I leapt into the vault, over hostages. I could hear the ticking before I could even see the bomb. A dynamite bomb with wires and an oversized clock laying on the floor right in the middle, almost innocently. 15 seconds left. My hand flew to my utility belt, and found a special pair of wire cutters. I had to replace the wire to something else before the splice…hands moved in near independence while I wrapped wires and prepared to make that dramatic cut. A snip later and I had the bomb safely defused. Probably. And I could still make it to Penny's recital!

"Policeman, get these people to…" The words barely left my lips as a deafening noise sent me flying, knocking out the wall and crashing into a desktop. Time slowed for me as I flew through the air, thanks to heightened reflexes, but there was nothing I could do to stop myself. I lost consciousness.

"Rise and writhe Mr. Jones" a garbled and distorted voice came through the speaker. I awoke comfortably in my chair at my study back inside the mansion. "Please accept my enjoyment at your rude awakening. You have been a thorn in my side and I can no longer allow you to interrupt my delicately laid out plans. So we will play a game. I have your daughter Mr. Jones. If you want to save her, you will have to do so without your little elixirs. You see, Mr. Jones, I spent a little time in your study today and wanted to make some generous additions to your collection. There are 7 vials, each labeled with a number. I wouldn't pick the wrong one, Mr. Jones, because they can cause a variety of devastating effects. Ahahahahahaaaa!", and the voice was gone.

I raced over to the storage cabinet where my vials were so cleverly hidden. Only I and Felicia knew about them, but I needn't go through the motions to uncover the secret hiding place this time. 7 glass vials were laid upon the table identical in appearance except for a number labeling each one. I picked up the phone to call Felicia; secretary, sidekick, mechanic, she took care of everything that had to do with the Amazing Mr. Jones. It rang and rang, and rang some more. Well, no answering machine with a creepy voice but no Felicia either. Maybe she was out shopping. So many questions in my head and still a lasting splitting head pain. Someone staged the robbery to get me here.

I needed Felicia's help and would have to go find her. I dressed in regular clothes, found the keys to my regular car, and stepped outside still piecing together recent events. It was dark and my watch read 5:23 am. How long have I had an enemy out there planning all this? The thought was a bit disturbing, especially when I realized who must have put me back in my own house.

I noticed 2 sleek black cars parked suspiciously as I left the mansion driveway. I drove off, picking up speed until the sudden smashing of metal shook me. A car, sleek black, had slammed into my driver side. Another impact rocked me as the other car rammed into the passenger side. I was pinched. The cars turned onto an exit forcing me with them, the sign saying "Caution Road Incomplete". I tried to steer away or brake, but nothing responded. The cars clenched me so tightly that my wheels barely touched the ground. I had driven this road before and knew there were only a mile or so of road before a rather unwelcome dive into the river. I looked at the seven vials, wondering how my luck was today….

Not feeling very lucky I let go of the wheel, released the lock on my sunroof and laid back, popping the sunroof off with a kick. The sunroof flew away tumbling into the air. I climbed up, gripping the rubber molding above as air gushed by. We were going very fast by now, and I could see the end of the road. I grabbed the vials and stuffed them in a pouch so as not to lose them. Adrenaline had returned my strength.

I climbed out of the sunroof staying low to keep balance against a speedy demise. A third sleek black sedan trailed behind with a machine gun propped out the passenger window. _Just to make this more fun eh?, _I snuck in a smirk while on the trunk of my car like somebody surfing a tsunami to the beach.I leapt to the side, diving onto the trunk of the black car just as bullets ripped by, tearing apart the spot where I was a moment ago. I slipped, desperately clinging to the trunk of the sleek black speeding sedan. Another chain of bullets whizzed by splintering the rear window, flame shooting with each burst. 7.76mm armor piercing rounds evident by the way they ripped through the car, and that machine gun type only had 300 round belts before needing a reload. I had counted 157 so far. Losing grip and dangling on the trunk of the black car I pulled with all my might, sliding inside the rear window and dodging another burst. As I lay fetal in the backseat, brief mental check to see if I was shot yet, '_yet' _glass and interior debris rained down on me. Surprisingly a radio controlled robotic device was steering the 1st car. I grabbed and yanked it out the rear window, nicely bouncing off the hood of the pursuant machine gunner. "That's what you think!" I shouted triumphantly. _Nope, still needs work_. I smiled a small victory and turned forward to see how much time I had left. I didn't like what I saw, or rather what I didn't see. A construction barrier was a mere 30 yards and closing. I zipped up front and yanked the steering wheel, swerving away as a deafening mesh of metal and rubber smashed into the barrier. Out of the pot and into the frying pan as I was off-road dodging trees and still heading towards the river.

Undeterred the sedan in back hunted me harder still. I ducked down as more bullets whizzed by, tearing apart whatever was still left of the vehicle's rear. Only a matter of time now before only the leather seats sat between that machine gun and I. I had counted 268 fired rounds, give or take 1. I had to think fast. This was a sporty car….

I braced myself for impact and slammed on the brakes. The gunfire stopped as we slammed together, clinched in a mesh of bumpers and still speeding blindly through a wooded area. I jumped into the back and climbed out through the missing rear window. Placing unsteady feet out onto the shredded hood I strode past my bumper and onto his. A last desperate stride onto the roof of the black sedan and I leapt off for dear life. While in the air I finally had a moment to think about how this may be a bad idea.

Slamming, bouncing, and skidding to a halt I came up with a better plan of escape. _Next time._ I was certain that I had road rash from head to toe but was too stiff to even move to inspect the damage so all I could do was look up. It began to snow on me ever so gently. 1st snow this year, finally. I kept thinking about how peaceful the now looked until a smashing of metal and tires burst through the night air. I guess they didn't make it to the river. Felicia gazed down at me, her gorgeous hair lightly adorned in sparkling snowflakes.

Standing above me, in another dress like the one she had on the last I saw her. Her sweet scent immediately accompanied her. With a look of concern she knelt next to me but I didn't react. "We need to go", she said sweetly. My back wasn't ready to move yet and I groaned as she rather forcefully aided me in sitting up. The sensation of her hands on my back made it worth the pain though. Sitting upright brought a little extra agony to my head, no thanks to fresh road rash.

She held me up, and we hobbled along back the way I had originally sped down. After several yards my car, my superhero car, came into view. Felicia must have driven it here. She helped me inside and moments later we sped away. Felicia began to talk.

"So much has happened Mr. Jones, I'm just so glad you are ok. I know they took Penny sir, they took her when that explosion happened at the bank. I was waiting to pick her up for her recital but the next thing I know I was waking up in a strange hotel. There was this message…I wanted to help you sooner….but you see…they've implanted a device to stop my organs. They said that if I helped you they would trigger the device. I had to though, I just couldn't stand back. They don't know I've helped you yet."

I looked at Felicia. A device was planted in her? In a strange sort of way, things began to make sense. This villain, this nemesis didn't want me dead, yet. He wanted to beat me in combat, otherwise I never would have awoken today. We were competing, and now I was ahead because I survived his first move.

I stared intently out the window as Felicia drove trying to keep my emotions from building. Penny…Felicia…it was almost too much. Strategizing would keep me away from thinking about the stakes. This enemy had already thought about my possible moves and would have set traps. He'll expect me to go home, gather some equipment, and prepare for battle. I had to change the odds. I thought about my elixir and those 7 vials. If what he said is true one of them will work. I just had to figure out which one. But what if all 7 were tampered with? I dismissed the thought without stopping to rationalize. One of them just had to be right. He wouldn't stack the odds in his favor that much, he knows I needed at least a small chance to make it a true game. He would have just killed me otherwise. _Remember, _I told myself, _he wants to beat me. _One of these vials would work for me. I trusted that much.

"Take me to his compound" I said with determined reluctance. Felicia's head turned to me, wondering if what I had just said was really what I had just said. Attack the enemy? One look at my face and she knew I was serious. But we needed directions. Just then the commissioner radioed in. Felicia flipped a switch on the steering wheel to activate the radio.

"Jonsie! We just got a tip about the whereabouts of a new super villain. It's in an abandoned old golf course turned shiatsu massage villa," he said excitedly.

"Thanks commissioner, that information came just in time," I replied in appreciation.

We were on the road headed back to the mansion. "No Felicia, we mustn't return there. We are going to take the fight to him right now, in a way he won't expect," I said. We instead headed towards the enemy compound. I knew where it was, the shiatsu massage villa had the best sushi before it was all mysteriously purchased and shut down by the new owner. That was 2 weeks ago. I developed my strategy en route, my plan of attack as they say.

"So what is your plan of attack Mr. Jones?" Felicia inquired.

"I'm going to knock on the door," I replied.

"Sounds fool proof." Felicia responded.

"He'll never see it coming."

We pulled up to the main entrance and I ordered Felicia to remain in the shadows. I didn't want that device inside her to be triggered and I assured her I could handle things alone. I exited the car, heading for the gate like the coming of prophecy. "Bah!" I screamed as I tripped over a stone in the road. I paused to see if anybody had noticed but they didn't so I continued to the gate, like a ninja.

_Knock knock_.

"Who is it?" a guard asked.

"It is I," I announced with pride.

"Who is I?" the guard further inquired.

"What!" I demanded.

"Who is I?" the guard repeated.

"Whhaaatt?!" I realized this could go on for some time.

For 2 seconds I pondered how to beat this dizzying intellect before smashing down the door with a massive kick. Villainous guards scurried like scared headless chickens. The wordy door guard was closest to me, and he was reaching for his sword. The guards all had swords in fact. Hmmm.

I reacted by snatching the guard's sword hand. My other hand made a fist and smashed his chest, knocking him back into the air. I yanked his sword hand as he flew back spinning him mid air as his sword unsheathed, snatched the sword. He flipped several time before landing with a satisfying thud. "That's what you think, wordy pants!" I taunted. _Hmm, still not ready. Too much improve. _I looked around at 7 of more guards with swords drawn. The night sky would be switching to daylight soon. I held the sword up in a semi salute before shredding the air in a dazzling display I learned from practicing with old samurai movies. 1 set of guards looked uncertainly at each other, wondering how skilled I was with this thing. Their insecurity brought the faintest smile. _Them. _I pounced like a mountain lion, blade slicing through every inch of air. Out of reflex those 2 made a block motion but I disarmed them both leaving a tiny cut on each hand. Then they promptly dismissed themselves from the fight.

The remaining guards went on a ferocious attack. I dodged one blade and parried a blow coming over head, then spun out of the way from a blade behind me. That sword graciously impaled the leg of one guard. I blocked a sneaky attack from behind aimed at making me a head shorter. I returned the favor with a nice back kick that made the door smash look soft. That made the rest double their efforts as I spun through the gauntlet of swords, steel blades screeching and sparking. A guard overshot his lunge, I dodged and guided his blade into another guard's foot. He cried out for only a moment before I brained him with the hilt of my blade. _A nice little bruise when he wakes up_ I shamelessly mused. I loved a good tussle, it had been far too long.

There were half the crew left now, and they panted heavily. I was winded but I kept composure. Now they really looked worried. "Why don't you just tell him I knocked you out?" I suggested. They ran.

I gazed down at the sword in my hand, it's fine twilight shimmer marred by numerous clashes. I let it fall from my hand as if it no longer served a purpose. Then I picked it back up. What was I thinking? I could really use this thing. The buildings were 1 story wooden rooms sprawling along the compound in a U shape. Obvious Asian architecture, perhaps explaining why the guards all carried katanas and the koi pond. I walked to the pond, looking down at the orange and white striped fish playing in the water undisturbed by the fight that just took place. All superheroes in my day had a sensei growing up and I remembered an old haiku my sensei had taught me:

"Koi live in water.

Man swim in water of thought.

Dog chases own tail."

So wise, my sensei. I headed to center of the U shape, the building in the middle. The current absence of guards allowed this walk to be peaceful . Only the sounds of early dawn and the burning of torches could be heard. The snow was still falling and a good 2 inches of soft powder adorned just about everything in sight. I was getting hungry. Pancakes sounded really good right now. I walked up the wooden steps and found the doorknob was locked. I gave it a good solid kick and the door burst off the hinges, illuminating the beautiful wooden interior. I had stepped out of the city and further into feudal Japan it seemed. I politely slipped my shoes off, setting them neatly next to the door.

There was a single lobby inside with a hallway leading to the left and to the right. Across the lobby was a reception desk and a very large door. _Three directions possible,_ _which one? A dangerous enemy like this would never turn to the left or right. _I knew I would find my new arch enemy through the doors straight ahead. I crossed the lobby as a man embracing his own fate. From the corner of my eye I saw a person at the reception desk, eyeing me levelly. I turned and glared so as not to be interrupted. I met the very large door, and turned the handle. A moldy janitor's closet was inside the door.

"Hello, I'm looking for the owner." I said politely.

"Down the hallway" his dangling arm pointed to the right. Of course! My arch rival would pick his strong hand to be the direction to his evil pathways. Like God's right hand he would have chosen that hallway deliberately to host all of his maniacal plans. "Thanks."

The wooden floored hallway went strait passed another indoor koi pond and turned, exiting into an inner courtyard with a glass dome covering. A large robot was in the process of being built by a single man. A man too sinister to be anyone but my enemy, gripping a welding torch in his left hand. Aha! A left hander, only the most sinister of evil villains are.

The welding stopped and he looked across at me with eyes like black stones. His look of indifference grew to distaste as he realized who stood in his doorway. Then I saw Penny, trapped inside the robot he was building. Penny was caged inside the center of the robot as if captaining the device.

"Mr… Jones" the words dripped from his mouth ripe with hatred. "You are early."

"Ha, that's what you thought!" I sauntered in, forcing calm over seeing Penny and wondering if that was the time to deliver the line. It felt like a solid attempt.

"Mr. Jones… I'm insulted that you think to attack me here. I overestimated your intelligence, a mistake I'll not repeat. Which reminds me, have you figured out which vial is the true tonic?"

My witty retort came to mind, was I supposed to use it after I did something right? I looked at the robot. Of course! There was but one explanation for his maniacal plan: he had installed Penny into the robot then forced her through hypnosis into fighting me and rigged the robot to self explode if she loses. I would be forced to fight Penny, and she would die if I won. I prayed the robot was very incomplete. I had a feeling I would soon find out.

"Your name?" I asked.

"My name? My name isn't important. Men know me as a nameless fear. All my credit cards have an alias on them, and my hotel reservations involve symbols only," he spoke deceptively in an effort to throw me off. Superhero training 101, I was actually a bit disappointed. He must not have had a mentor.

"I'll call you Sue". Anger spread across his face. "Now look, Sue, you and I should settle this. But Penny has nothing to do with our existence of good versus evil". Even as I spoke I looked at Penny through the robot's incomplete frame. She looked herself a robot, no doubt under control through hypnosis. "Besides, Sue, you seem to have gotten rid of Felicia and already have every odd stacked in your favor. You've rigged the secret to my super powers, gotten rid of my ally, and ruined one of my cars. I really liked that car." Hoping to bate him I continued, but he cut me short.

"Talk your way out of this, Jonesella!" Sue raised his hand, holding a remote control with only 1 large red button. Without another word he pressed the button and Penny's eyes opened mechanically. Motors started and the machine came to life, as tall as 2 men it stood looming ominously. Penny's eyes stared away into nothingness. The robot lifted a massive arm and swung it at me without hesitation, I barely dodged.

"Die Jones! Die by Penny's own hand! AhahAHAhahaHAaAA!" He squealed as he ran away, disappearing into a secret escape door in the wall. The robot, and Penny, stepped forward again. There were 3 lights on the robot, all glowed green. The robot swung again and I leapt up, it's massive arm narrowly missing my feet in mid air. The ground beneath me exploded as I landed on the massive mechanical arm. From the arm I leapt to the head of the robot, frantically seeking a door handle or release mechanism. Welding spots were over the cage door, indicating no simple access to Penny. I would have to weld her out, deactivate the robot and tear the cage open. How in the world would I do that? The cage wasn't completely sealed yet, and the robot itself wasn't finished. That was all I had time to notice as another arm sent me flying.

I crashed into the flooring, breath escaping me as I tried to get back to my feet. Several tools lay on the table and one in particular that might help me. A welding torch knife. I rolled out of the way of another smashing arm. With concrete flooring erupting behind me I made a dash at the table. I landed gracefully after an aerial summersault and scooped up the torch, turning to Penny. Flicking the button, the knife blade instantly gave off heat with metal severing photonic glory. I ran to the robot, dodging a kick and slicing the leg. The deep gash in the knee joint caused the robot to topple, but one of the green lights on its chest turned red.

The robot stood again, limping towards me with less speed. I jumped into the air at it slicing an arm that went out to stop me and landing on the chest frame again. Another green light turned red, 2 red and only 1 green. With each slash the robot knew it had taken damage and therefore moved one step closer to self destruction. I had to get her out of there in one more cut and get away fast. One of the welded spots looked freshly worked on and wasn't hardened all the way yet. I sliced at the adjacent weld and pulled with all my might. The cage door burst away, bringing me back and knocking all air out of me as we both landed with myself underneath. The last light turned red and the robot began beeping quickly. I wouldn't make it in time.

Like a blur Felicia appeared into the room landing on the robot. She grabbed Penny and leapt into the air just as fire engulfed the metal monster. I threw the cage frame off of me and stood up, running over to my daughter.

"Penny!" I yelled, "Penny!" I shook her each time I yelled her name, her eyes switched from that hypnotic glow of evil to confusion and displacement, then to recognition.

"Wha, what am I doing here? Daddy?"

"Thank goodness you are ok!" I said, looking up at Felicia her hair blowing in the wind.

"You saved her, thank you," I said in appreciation.

"Yes, Felicia…..Thank you" Sue voice broke the moment, dripping with a mixture satisfaction and annoyance. In his hand he held another remote control with another red button. Felicia stood and looked at me a look without regret.

"No!" I yelled as Felicia suddenly squinted, bracing for pain. We all held our breath.

"I haven't pushed the button yet". Sue said, almost disappointed.

"And I don't think you will," I said knowingly. "I've beaten your robot and saved Penny. Killing Felicia would be a very distant 3rd place prize. You don't seem the type to settle for bronze, why not call it halftime and fight again next week?"

Sue stopped and gave me a level gaze void of emotion or expression. He spoke matter of factly, "Felicia was given a rule and the rules I set are not to be broken." No sooner had he finished speaking than the button was already pressed.

Felicia collapsed to the floor instantly. Disbelievingly I called and shook her as Penny cried out with no amount of hidden panic. I knew there was only one way to save her now. I pulled the seven vials out of my pocket, looking at them closely. The right one can save her. Which one worked was just a riddle plain and simple. It was a riddle I would have to solve and solve now if I was to save Felicia. With determination in hand I summarized a list of recent events: Sue wouldn't give me his name and he used a robot with my daughter as a weapon against me. Therefore I knew it couldn't be vial number 1 or 7 because the first or last choices weren't complicated enough and he definitely would complicate things. Sue also enjoyed games with strict adherences to rules, so I knew it couldn't be an even numbered vial because even numbers (2,4,6) always allowed the possibility of a draw. Clearly one of his games could never end in a draw. That only left numbers 3 and 5 which were both odd numbers and prime numbers. 3 and 5, both prime numbers. Surely there was still an answer to this riddle.

Sue would have made it possible to be figured out. Prime numbers…are used as multiples. 5 is an easy one to divide into, all multiples of 5 end in 0 or 5. But it was also possible to easily decipher a multiple of 3. Add a number's parts and see if that number will divide by 3. Like 31,647.… 3+1+6+4+7 21, which is divisible by 3. The concept of multiples weren't solving this riddle and Felicia had stopped breathing. Think! The list of prime numbers went 2,3,5,7,11.… 5 is the 3rd prime number on the list!

"Quickly Penny! Open vial 3!"

With two small hands Penny ripped the vial open without delay as I gently propped Felicia's head, her hair soft in my hands. It was the first time I had been this close to her. Her red lips opened just enough to allow Penny to pour the vial inside. We waited interminable moments with no response. I could no longer see as my eyes began to well up. Suddenly she gasped a breath and I could feel life in her limbs again.

"Felicia!" she looked up at me as I wiped my eyes with a confused look. "You can't quit on me that easily!" I joked. Penny shared a breath of relief with me. Felicia started to sit up.

"I'm ok?" She pondered as she looked at her hands. "And I feel…." was all she could say before she passed out. I frantically checked to see if she was still breathing, it looked like she just slept peacefully.

"Come on Penny, we need to get us all out of here," I said while scooping Felicia gently up into two unwavering arms.

"Dad!" she called as we walked to the door. She was standing near the work desk where the tools were. She pointed to another large red button. I walked over to her, still holding Felicia like a sleeping child. The button said, "Self Destruct" and a nice set of car keys were next to it….

Running out of the building and into courtyard where a dazzling swordfight took place a mere half hour ago we spotted the main entry. Daylight was stronger now as massive explosions erupted across the compound. Penny and I sped across the grounds and past the main entryway, feet churning up snow and Felicia stirring occasionally from all the jostling but otherwise asleep. Explosions continued to burst, shooting massive balls of flame several stories into the air as we crossed the street, finally catching our breaths. We both turned towards the enemy base, admiring the show.

We stood next to the my car as I looked for the right keys, still pondering what to do with the new set I had in my hands. Penny fit snugly in the back of the car and Felicia gently slept in the passenger side with her head leaning against the window. Admittedly the back seat wasn't large enough to fit much more than a shoebox but Penny had never gotten to drive in the car and wore a shiny grin nonetheless. The Amazing Mr. Jones was a hero of hers, and now she found out it was her own father. I revved around the parking lot across from the still burning enemy compound with a funny thought in my head. There was a sign that said, 'Employee Parking' and among the cars there I saw one that truly wouldn't belong to anyone else. A large metal tank-like SUV that was all black with tinting and the largest wheels I had ever seen on a street car. I just couldn't help myself.

"Penny, do you think you can drive?" I asked of the 12 year old.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" she replied without hesitation, bouncing each time at the mere suggestion.

"Here," I handed her the keys to Sue's car. "Let's see what you got," I said as I got out of my car and leaned the seat forward. She got out instantly.

"Do you really mean it?" she asked disbelievingly.

"No problem, just make sure you stay in the parking lot and bump into as much stuff as you can ok?" I said like a good dad would.

She beamed and smiled as she unlocked the door to Sue's huge black beast of an SUV, her excitement was better than any Christmas morning. The car was a manual and it took a lot of horribly awful noises from the clutch before she finally started moving, lurching and screeching between the gas pedal and the brake. Several of the henchmen's cars were getting punished in the process but I really couldn't help but enjoy watching Sue's car become demolished. Penny backed into one light post, making a crisp vertical indent that turned the rear bumper into more of a boomerang and shattering glass everywhere. It didn't take long before the car was cosmetically quite embarrassing.

I motioned for Penny to wrap it up. She hopped out and left the car moving before it eventually came to a halt against a sign post. I held the door open and the seat forward so Penny could again squish herself into the black leather back seats. She bubbled with excitement, laughing with an incoherently soft giggle. Felicia stirred some before going back towards her peaceful nap. On the drive home I realized it may be best to ask a small favor of Penny.

"Penny dear," I began. She looked with bright eyes and a grin through the rearview mirror at me. "Don't tell your mom," I said with a smile. Divorced or not I still would have to answer to her on some level. Penny sat motionless for a moment before we all burst into laughter.

"I'm hungry," Felicia said scaring us all from her sudden noise from that side of the car. Her eyes were still shut but she wore a smile. Daylight shone strongly and it was almost past breakfast time. My stomach began growling, and I knew a place along the way that made great pancakes.

"Come on, it's pancake time."


End file.
